A Muni Failure in a Perfect World

This morning, in an extremely rare incident, San Francisco's world-class public transit system suffered a brief glitch which was unsurprisingly met with swift, apologetic action and resolution.

The failure stemmed from switch problems at the entrance to the tunnel at Duboce Ave and Church St.

Almost instantaneously, the issue was communicated to passengers systemwide via electronic placards and audio messages in stations and at stops.

On board Muni trains and buses, drivers announced news of the incident clearly and with world-class diction via pleasantly-audible intercom systems, allowing commuters to make alternate plans and assuring a stress-free morning.

And of course, at Church and Duboce, any confusion that may have arisen was quickly dissipated by the helpful, well-informed Muni agents stationed at the scene.

Meanwhile, news of the disruption was communicated widely and instantly online via Twitter, Facebook, text message, and on numerous Muni-related websites. Muni prides itself on reaching out to riders via these media, almost all of which are entirely free and extremely effective, while at the same time not at all difficult to administer.

While the incident at Church and Duboce was brief and barely-noticed, officials at Muni were quick to take responsibility.

"It's entirely unacceptable," lamented Muni's Executive Director. "The people of San Francisco deserve a world-class public transit system. Today, we've failed them," he muttered between sobs, before tendering his resignation.

Of course, all Muni riders affected by the disruption will have their fares fully and automatically refunded via their Clipper cards, one of the many benefits to our new world-class electronic fare system.

Hopefully, this incident won't be repeated, but thanks to the quick and thorough response by Muni, we can rest assured that any future disruptions will be handled professionally and smoothly. After all, a world-class city deserves no less.