There's a storm brewing in San Francisco, and that storm's name is Super Bowl XLVII. 49er fandom will be running rampant all weekend, with the brunt of the storm hitting tomorrow at 3:30pm PST.
While we love our San Francisco 49ers, if the Giants' sweep during the World Series has taught us anything, it's that regardless of whether we win or not, our city will be a hotbed of tomfoolery.
To navigate the madness, we've outlined a guide for the non-football fans of Hayes Valley to find safe harbor from the coming onslaught of beer and chicken wing-fueled mayhem.
The game doesn't start until 3:30pm, so that means many fans will be spending the early part of the day prepping for their parties and/or buying last-minute items. As such, we suggest that you avoid all major supermarkets, which are conveniently located outside of Hayes Valley.
Instead, with the weather predicted to be partly cloudy tomorrow, it might be a perfect day to volunteer amidst the spattering of sunshine at Hayes Valley Farm (450 Laguna). Volunteering starts at noon and goes until 5pm, making the farm an ideal hideout spot for the beginning of the game.
Parks and parklets should also be great refuges since they will hopefully be relatively empty, as football fans gear up for the game.
As the game begins and the eye of the storm approaches, establishments with TVs will fill with dedicated Niners fans. Daylight will be dwindling, and you'll have to choose whether to retreat home or continue on with the rest of your Sunday. Here are a few TV-free bars and cafes that should serve as reasonable shelter:
Pause Wine Bar (1666 Market Street)
Enjoy a glass of eco-friendly vino and order off their menu of wine-friendly vegetarian food.
Two Sisters Bar and Books (579 Hayes)
This place has the charm of a dark and homey library. You can't come here without ordering one of their delicious signature cocktails.
Smuggler's Cove (650 Gough)
Talk about walking the plank into a certified mock-pirate den. Enjoy this one-of-a-kind pirate-themed bar's selection of more than 400 different kinds of rum.
Biergarten (424 Octavia)
This might be the one Sunday of the year when the Biergarten isn't packed. Grab yourself a picnic table and a stein, and enjoy your afternoon outdoors.
Arlequin Cafe (384 Hayes)
This modern bistro-style cafe has a Francophile-themed ambiance, complete with a large outdoor garden patio to enjoy the 60-degree weather.
Cafe La Vie (514 Octavia)
As temperatures start to cool, you may want to snuggle up to Cafe La Vie’s fireplace with a delicious cup of coffee.
La Boulange de Hayes (500 Hayes)
This locally-grown, Starbucks-owned chain has a smorgasbord of delicious pastries and tasty things to try.
Momi Toby's Revolution Cafe and Art Bar (528 Laguna)
This coffee/wine bar reminds us of a turn of the century saloon with its unique character and charm.
Mercury Cafe (201 Octavia)
Why not spend your Sunday being productive at this cozy, WiFi-enabled cafe?
Taste Tea (535 Octavia)
Step into tranquility with this Chinese-themed tea house located just a stone’s throw from Hayes Street.
This is it — this is when the eye of the storm hits San Francisco. Regardless of the game's outcome, we envision a massive outcry in every neighborhood throughout the city. Whether you want to join in the craziness or just sit this one out is up to you.
If you do decide to stay in, just be sure to buy ear plugs, because the car honking and screams will be happening throughout the night, making it nearly impossible to get a full night’s sleep.
If you decide to brave the celebration that will surely be happening in the streets and any bar in Hayes Valley, just don't be caught in purple and black or anything that suggests you support the Ravens. Oh, and please, please, please don't burn any buses or deface our beautiful valley.
You can take our safety guide with a grain of salt, but we just want to make sure everybody in Hayes Valley — regardless of being a sports fan or not — has a great Sunday. With that being said, go Niners!