Full disclosure, folks. I am a huge nerd.
Not in that cute, Halloween-costume way. I went to every “Harry Potter” midnight release party. Hell, I even dressed up (Slytherin House Quidditch, thank you very much). I wrote a lot of fanfiction. I read a lot of Douglas Adams and watched a lot of “Doctor Who.”
For a brief period, I was also very into the short-lived and terrible “Legend of the Seeker” TV series based on the much longer-lived but equally terrible “Sword of Truth” series. Sometimes I put my tiny dog on my shoulder and whisper “Khaleesi” to myself.
To be fair, I’ve changed a lot since my days of faking my period to get out of P.E. and read by myself. For example, I wash my hair. I also have a boyfriend and, if I don’t forget, I wax my eyebrows. If you looked at me from far away and I didn’t say anything and you’d never seen my book collection, I might even pass for a normal person.
I.
Love.
This.
Damn.
Faire.
I’ve been going for years with my family. It’s a Henry family tradition — shopping for silver; trying the archery tent and conveniently forgetting that real bows hurt your fingers; feeling bad for everyone who has to yell when they get tipped like it’s Ye Olde Coldstone; and dad speaking Elizabethan English to the actors.
I couldn’t tell you why I love it so much. Being a woman, and a pretty mouthy one at that, I wouldn’t have done all that great in most periods of history. But it’s so fun to pretend! And the dresses are so pretty!
However, despite going every year, I never feel like shelling out the arm and leg a custom Renaissance dress would require. So instead I wore a vintage Gunne Sax dress I bought during the one whole week I worked at a vintage store. I thought it had a very Kate Beckinsale in “Much Ado About Nothing” vibe, but I realize now looking at the photos that it was much more On My Way to Become the 7th Wife of a 1970s Cult Leader in Topanga Canyon. But a little girl said I looked like a fairy, so we’re cool.
What is there to do at The Renaissance Pleasure Faire? Shop, tests of strength, jousting and, most importantly, eat.
Here’s a fun fact: Renaissance food, especially food traveling to an island nation like England, was packed in enough salt to choke a horse. This was done to preserve the food and also because it’s delicious, if not completely terrible for you.
But this is one day as opposed to your entire life inside a dusty castle, so it’s OK to indulge. I can’t speak to the vegan options, or even if they have any, because I get the same thing every year.
Turkey leg. It’s larger than my first, salted to hell and back and, as I eat it, I can actually feel my heart beat a little slower. It’s glorious. They’ve also got pulled pork, sausage rolls, bratwurst, Italian ice cream and horchata. I can’t pinpoint the historical significance frozen lemonade, but enjoy it all the same. I cannot stress how much food is there and how great it all is. Stop by midday to get your energy up so you can try your hand at the axe toss, outrun the plague or, in my case, fight Queen Elizabeth on behalf of all Irish people.
I’m sure some people will be quick to point out that a lot of the things you see at the Faire are not historically accurate. These people are terrible and their favorite movie is probably “Fight Club.” Of course it’s not historically accurate. Historically speaking, Elizabethan England was kind of a dumpster fire. The Thames was an open sewer and there was an even greater disparity between the living conditions of different socioeconomic classes. Colonialism was alive and well and just starting to make its way across to America. That being said, in 600 years I doubt we’ll come out smelling like roses, either. But this is also the era that gave us Shakespeare, Humanism and more artists than you can shake a stick at.
So why do we go to the Renaissance Faire?
For the same reason that people in the Renaissance staged re-creations of Medieval jousting tournaments and idolized the promise of courtly love. For the same reason the Renaissance was the “rebirth” of Latin and Greek philosophical ideas. We are romantic and nostalgic, always seeing what lies behind us as better than where we currently are. It’s fun to take a break from normal life, put on a flower crown and pretend to be someone different from somewhere olde — to be a romantic one Sunday out of the year.
And also to shove ourselves full of salted turkey and shop for drinking horns.
