A San Diego mother's birthday tradition for her three children has struck a nerve online after her middle child, 5-year-old Matias Gates, was brought to tears during the ritual, in which each family member places a lit candle on the birthday cake while sharing what they love about the honoree. The moment, captured on video, has since reached millions of views and drawn hundreds of comments from viewers who say it moved them too.
According to NBC Los Angeles, Matias's mother, Alexis Gates, said she intentionally lets her children know they are valued, and that the candle tradition is her way of putting that intention into words each year. Family members took turns placing a candle on the cake and sharing well wishes, hopes for Matias's dreams, and blessings for more birthdays to come, per the same report. By the end, the 5-year-old was visibly overwhelmed with emotion.
A Ritual Built Around Being Seen
Matias later said watching the video back nearly made him cry again, explaining that it was because his family is special. Alexis Gates, who lives in San Diego and has three children, told the outlet she hopes the video inspires other people to speak lovingly to their children and family members, not just on birthdays but as a broader habit.
Human connection can be important to good mental health. The County of San Diego's “Childhood Experiences in San Diego County” report highlights prevention strategies intended to reduce the prevalence of adverse childhood experiences and related harm.
That hope appears to be landing. Internet users flooded the video with comments saying it brought them to tears, and many said they now want to adopt the same tradition in their own homes, the outlet reported. Reporter Jonathan Gonzalez covered the story for NBC4 News at 6 p.m., alongside co-author Karla Rendon.
Why a Simple Candle Moved a Child to Tears
Child development research suggests that family routines may support children's emotional development and sense of stability, according to the Journal of Family Psychology.
The affirmations themselves may carry their own emotional weight. Positive statements are one way adults can encourage children when they feel overwhelmed, as discussed in CASEL-aligned research shared by Mrs. Weller.
Decades of Research Back the Family Ritual
The Gates family's approach also fits into a much older body of psychology. A landmark 50-year research review published in the December 2002 Journal of Family Psychology found that family routines and rituals provide stability during times of stress and are associated with stronger family relationships and improved child well-being, according to the American Psychological Association. That review distinguished between routine chores and emotional rituals, noting that rituals carry deep family identity and long-term memory value.
More recent findings point in the same direction. Research on brief self-affirmation practices suggests benefits for general and social well-being and self-related outcomes.
From German Kinderfests to Viral Videos
The tradition of putting candles on a child's birthday cake is itself centuries old. Historical accounts connect the practice to 18th-century German Kinderfest celebrations. Modern versions like the Gates family's candle ceremony build on that same idea of ritualizing light as a symbol of life and well-being.
Family traditions do not need to look any particular way to matter, according to research cited in Psychology Today, which found that celebrating family traditions amplifies closeness and enjoyment because the emotional investment behind a ritual matters far more than its specific form. Researchers cited in that piece note that personalized traditions like the Gates family's tend to have strong staying power and often get passed down across generations.
A San Diego Backdrop of Young Families
The Gates family's story plays out against a San Diego County backdrop of nearly 3.3 million residents and a median household income of $109,132, according to U.S. Census Bureau estimates from the 2024 American Community Survey.
At the same time, many local families navigate economic pressures alongside moments like the one the Gates family shared.
Whether or not other families adopt the exact candle ritual, the instinct to copy it is understandable. Sharing family moments digitally may inspire other families to try similar practices of their own.
